Love jokes

Angus' love life.

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"

Me: I call my girl Cinderella.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because she loves balls.

Did you fart, cause you blew me away?

I love you, Lovely Perv!

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Your love life.

Guys, why are we being racist? Why can't we love each other, please? Gimme that dick, boy. Please stop fighting. Let's love each other and them big ole dicks, please. Gimme that dick. I hate racism.

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.

And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.

And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.

Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.

Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!

Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?

His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)

Mum is the best!

Dad: Johnny! Johnny!

Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Dad: Did you hit your brother?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Telling lies?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Let me see your fist.

Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!

Dad: What is so funny?

Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!

Dad: >:(

Little Johnny: What? It's true!

Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!

Dad: Love you too, son.

Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.

Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).

Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!

Bully: Ew, no I don't!

Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?

In the realm of words, where thoughts take flight, A curious tale, strange as the night, Of Alex Fisher, with love so bizarre, For random Hitler lemons, bizarre but bizarre.

Free Verse, they say, this poem shall be, Unrestrained, unrhymed, flowing and free, Yet how to capture this perplexing love, For lemons and Hitler, soaring above?

Alex Fisher, a soul with peculiar taste, Finds joy in lemons with a sour embrace, And Hitler, a name that evokes dark pain, Inexplicably entwined, like wind and rain.

Randomness, the thread that weaves this tale, No logic, no reason, no rhyme to prevail, For who could fathom this peculiar love, Of lemons and Hitler, below and above?

Yet in the realm of words, where all is allowed, We explore the uncharted, the strange and the proud, And though this poem may bewilder and confuse, Let it remind us, acceptance we must choose.

For love knows no boundaries, no norms to abide, It transcends our expectations, with no need to hide, So let us embrace the quirks that make us unique, For in the tapestry of life, we find what we seek.

So here's to Alex Fisher, with love all their own, May they find happiness, wherever they've flown, In lemons and Hitler, a world so absurd, May their love be a reminder, that love has no words.

My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?

It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.

I LOVE BIG HAIRY DICKS!

I love Fortnite because I touched grass for the first time and also I love Chung Lei.

Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?

They di2s drying plans.