Loss jokes
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.