What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
