Look

Look jokes

Man

    • A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

  • 2

    • Salad

    • What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

    A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

  • 3

    • Family

    • The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

    Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

    Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

    Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

    Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

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    • Vineyard

    • The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

    The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

    The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

    The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

  • 8

    • Penis

    • One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

    The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

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    • Look memes

    Priest

    • Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

  • 1

    • Tit

    • Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?

    Free service for tit holding!

  • 0

    • Meat

    • Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

    Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

  • 1

    • School Shooter

    • If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

  • 1

    • Noose

    • It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

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    • Homework

    • I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

  • 6

    • Yo mama

    • Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

  • 1

    • Cashier

    • I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

    And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

  • 0

    • Goose

    • So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

    Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

    The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

    Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

    The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

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