When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted
my brother wanted to go fishing i told him he had to learn how to master bait go look it up on youtube guess who is grounded
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said "you are what we are looking for, but i need to test your skills." *he hands her a pen* He said "sell me this pen" She puts in between her boobs.
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:... You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me "what's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.
Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
I'm not racist but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me
why did the farmer went to the strip club
coz he was looking for his hoe
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are a fine African meal." then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, "what poor taste?"
yo mama so ugly that when she was born the doctor looked at her face then at her butt and said Twins!
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I cant help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes
openheimer
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women
He said the ATM outside
Two priests walk into a store and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester and the priests both say I’ll do it
the lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
