Longing jokes
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, “Yes.”
Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”
Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Yo mama so fat, she likes long, romantic walks to the refrigerator.
If I measured your forehead, it would be 100,000,000,000,000,000 miles long.
It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!
There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.