Son

Connor

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

9

British

Anonymous

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

1

Cry

Anonymous

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

School

Anonymous

I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

Sister

random person

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don’t have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with ‘F’ and ends wit a ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you’ve to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo !

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, “Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!”

Emo

Curlyf...9000

What’s the Difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos. The bar code on the emo kid gets longer everyday.

Roast

Z
  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

7

Marriage

Anonymous

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.

Nut

ok this isnt a joke but its funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it’s in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, its not what you think, its a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Alzheimers

Mr. Dark Joke

“Knock Knock!” “Who’s there?” “It’s Dave!”

“Dave who?”

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

2

Sport

Anonymous

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

Roast

Anonymous

my phone battery last longer then your relasionships

7

Anti-jokes

Anonymous

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him

0

Clause

oscar the grouch

So Santa fell down the chimney but it was a lit chimney…his names no longer Santa. It’s crisp cringle. Pls send help :).

Wish

Yeet.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? “I don’t wanna go to disneyland, I wanna live longer.”

Life

Landon

I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

Die

Cat of death

Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play monopoly?

How do you think Princess Diana died?

…Too soon?

White

Anonymous

I bought a white xbox to last longer and i bought a black xbox to run faster

Roast

Jayvin Zebari
  1. If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence

  2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships

  3. There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.

  4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

  5. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.

  6. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

  7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it

  8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.

  9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting

  10. Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen

  11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya

  12. Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented