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Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.

“Knock Knock!” “Who’s there?” “It’s Dave!”

“Dave who?”

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him

So Santa fell down the chimney but it was a lit chimney…his names no longer Santa. It’s crisp cringle. Pls send help :).

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? “I don’t wanna go to disneyland, I wanna live longer.”

Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play monopoly?

How do you think Princess Diana died?

…Too soon?

Ho Ho Ho, what do you want for Christmas little boy. Longer than 2 months to live.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet it is a shame he could not create a longer lasting battery.

I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood. Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it, and shouts “I love my country!”, Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, “I love my country”, finally the Iraqi man drops a bomb, and shouts, “I love my country!”

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, “What’s so funny?” And the boy says “When I farted my house blew up!”

  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, “Time to join mother, Bambi!” Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black…

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Steve!”

“Steve who?”

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s have reached a point where she can no longer remember him.