Longevity jokes

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

What do trannies and jokes about them have in common?

Neither of them get old.

Life's too short to want it.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.