If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Line Jokes
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
The lines on the pride flag are straighter than me.
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
