Line jokes

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?

Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂

What was the computer's best pickup line?

Nice bits!

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?

Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.

All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.