Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
Like Jokes
Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”
Which Pokémon do soccer players like the most?
GOALduck.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Discord server.
Discord server who?
This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.
What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?
Sharp! 🤣
When I hit a home run, I finally felt what it was like to have a home.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
