Like jokes
Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."
I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
Sans: "Like, I'm so *flabbergasted*."
Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...
Girl, scan the code on your wrist!