Like jokes
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Like if you hate going to school.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Like if you meet someone emo.
Like if you wanna have sex.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.