Like jokes

Like if you meet someone emo.

Like if you wanna have sex.

Dark jokes are like Antarctica.

They're cold.

What do you call lesbian twins?

Lick-A-Likes.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

How are gay people like mice?

They both hate pussies.

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.