Like jokes

Like if you wanna have sex.

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.