Like jokes
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.