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Pedophile

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

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  • Roast

    Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.

    Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.

    Jesus

    Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

    Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

    Grape

    *bowl of dark grapes*

    Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

    Friend 2: Black? Good one.

    Friend 1: 21 at a time.

    Orphan

    Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?

    Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.

    Nut

    One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

    Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

    His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

    Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

    Tree

    People are like trees...

    They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

    Nun

    Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

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  • Teacher

    Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.

    Teacher

    A note for My arts/health teacher:

    oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

    Hoe

    Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."

    No, a lot's been through you.

    Word

    If you say the word "gullible" slowly, it will sound like you're saying "orange."