Like jokes
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.