Like jokes

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Withered Bonnie, more like Bonnie Mcnutt!

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?

My cousin: the other half.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.