Like jokes
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
What does a cheetah like to eat? Fast food, lol!
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.
If I get 50 likes on this, I swear. 🦋
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
I like zebras.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
Life is like a penis. It is short.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...