Like jokes
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
I only trust people that like big butts... they cannot lie.
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.
If I get 50 likes on this, I swear. 🦋
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"
Friend: "Dagobert Duck."
Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."
Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"
Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"
I like zebras.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.