Like jokes
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
I like penguins.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
I cannot believe Kelly Clarkson's music is considered pop! More like comatose music!
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”