Like jokes

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?

I like alottopuss.

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

What do emo kids like to smoke?

"Marjuanakillmyself."

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .