Like jokes
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.
Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Why are emos like paper?
They cut easily.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4
LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
Does anyone know the song that goes like:
Nananana na na na, nananana na na na, nananana na, na na, na, na na na?
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"