You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
Like Jokes
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
Why is it okay to hit orphans?
It's not like they can tell their parents.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.
Like if you like Logan Paul, dislike if you like Jake Paul.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
What do bees like with sushi?
Wasabee.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
