Like jokes

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

If you like this post, you will die!!!! Don’t do it 👿😅😎

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

2nd comments from Gwen in her bra.

Keie: Man Man man! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heyo: 👅🍑

Bari: STOP U FUCKIN PEDOS!!!!!!!!!!

Kenya Bailey: THAT IS ENOUGH! I AM REPORTING ALL OF THIS CRAP TO THE ADMIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Remera Karwi: Shut up! We jus tellin her she looks like a star no need for all that "crap".

Kenya Bailey: One guy put tongue and peach aka butt I know a little bit about oral sex my friend or not!

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Your hairline is so big, it looks like the TITANIC.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.