Like jokes

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.

One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.

Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.

why don't emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.