Like jokes
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Ur mum's queef was like a fucking hurricane!
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.