Like jokes
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).
I like Fortnite.
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
Orphans more like or fans!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like? Go look in the mirror.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.