Light jokes

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Why do they call matches, matches?

They all look the same.

Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing.

The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor.

In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?

Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.