Light jokes
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.