Light jokes
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital? Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Youtubers say like and subscribe!
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.