Light jokes
Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
Why did the moon go to sleep? Because he was bossy.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."