Light jokes
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite button?
Light mode.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
Why did the rapper always carry a flashlight?
To SHINE A LIGHT on his talent!
How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just put the light bulb up their pussy and ask you to pay.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.