Lifestyle jokes
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.
We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.
But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol
But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.
Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest
She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness
I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.
I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song
Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.
Doin your mom doin doin your mom
You know we straight with doin your mom
I'm havin' sex with your mother
That makes me better than you.
I'm havin' sex with your mother
That makes me better than you.
What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
What is a gay man's favorite hobby?
Cockfighting.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
Six Seven went to a barber shop. He asked the barber if he could have the "six seven" cut.
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
What type of people have the record of the most amount of stories read?
Emos, they're still in the air.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
What would you call a gay man's couch? A Homo Sectional.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.