Lifestyle jokes

With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

I love sleep 🛏!

What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

One has a functioning neck.

How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?

There are speedos in the microwave.

I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

Beau Ruse is Gay.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Your mom is emo, Deacon.

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Why can't you ever see an emo?

They're too high to see.

Cooper and Max want to get fucked in the ass by guys.

Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.

Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?

The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.

What does an Emo do with his friends?

Literally hanging out.

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...