You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
When the class plays hangman, the emos get inspired!
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?
Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
Being an orphan is crazy and fuck gay people.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
