Lifestyle jokes
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
One has a functioning neck.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What does a furry call a sexy furry?
A foxy lady!
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
What do you call a gay guy on fire?
LGBBQ
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.