Life jokes

There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!

And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!

Best, Tenya Bailey.

My dick is longer than your life.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

How did the orphan survive birth?

U

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he doesn't have parents.

Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."

This joke never gets old. Just like the child.