Life jokes

What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?

A knife has a point.

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!

My life.

There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!

And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!

Best, Tenya Bailey.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

My dick is longer than your life.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

How did the orphan survive birth?

U

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?

What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*