Life jokes

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!

And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!

Best, Tenya Bailey.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

My dick is longer than your life.

How did the orphan survive birth?

U

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

Why did the mailman die?

Because everyone dies.

Who does an orphan play soccer with?

No one.

Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."

This joke never gets old. Just like the child.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he doesn't have parents.

I took a sip of water.

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

Man dies.

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.