Life jokes
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
My life.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
Wanna hear a joke? Me.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Your PP is small, just like my will to live.
Why didn't the orphan do the work?
Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?
A knife has a point.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!
And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!
Best, Tenya Bailey.
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.