Life jokes

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Your PP is small, just like my will to live.

Wanna hear a joke? Me.

Why didn't the orphan do the work?

Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.

The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?

A knife has a point.

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

My life.