Life jokes

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What do you call a Black man having a seizure?

Chocolate shake.

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

Guy: Fight me on Xbox. Guy: Oh right, you don't have one *laughs*

Me: Fight me in real life. Me: Oh right, you don't have a real life. *INSERTS APPLE BOTTOM JEANS*

2021-2022

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.