Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
Gina: Ha! YOU HAVE NOTHING!
Orphan: Yes I do.
Gina: What do you have then?
Orphan: Parents.
Gina: LIAR!
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
Abortion isn't murder.
It's backspacing a typo.
