Life jokes
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
You have 10 to live.
“Wait, as in 10 minutes?”
10, 9, 8...
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
It's a RUF life in Africa.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Me die.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
My existence.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
Why is the orphan sad for dinner?
He has no one to eat with at the table.