Life jokes
Why are most school shooters mostly white?
Because Black lives MATTER.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!!!!!!! Hahahaha. Banta everyone on this site has 0 life and should leave.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
I took a sip of water.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.
*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?