Why is life like penises?
Women make it hard.
Hey, Kenya, what is your favorite song?
"Lonely."
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
Who wants to laugh about life with me?
-->[]life death[]<--
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Murueurx.
I had fun.
