Life jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

I am an orphan...

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball?

One gets picked for games.

The secrets of life.

Mac & Cheese.

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

Why do orphans not like Family Guy? Because they have family.

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.

You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.