Life jokes

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?

The emo doesn't fall.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?

I don’t have a life.

What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?

"Full House".

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

What did the tree do to the emo?

He left him hanging.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.

I came on for an orphan joke.

Then I realized they are a joke.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.