Life

Life jokes

Hair

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Motivation

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Suicide attempt

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Circle

You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.

Suicide

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

Orphan

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

Emo

Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?

The emo doesn't fall.

Orphan

What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?

"Full House".

Kid

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Emo kid

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

Orphan

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Orphan

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.

Orphan

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.