Life jokes
I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.
Red, black, blue. The colors of life.
Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get?
Answer: Love.
Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.
You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.
How did the orphan become famous?
By "go[ing] big or go[ing] home."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To because he wanted to find home >:D
Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?
The emo doesn't fall.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.
What is the other word for an orphan?
Paren't.
I came on for an orphan joke.
Then I realized they are a joke.
What did the tree do to the emo?
He left him hanging.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.