Life jokes

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Deja-poo.

The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.

Can we please stop the fricking drama! I see people bullying other people, too. Gwen is not the only one. For God's sake, just do jokes! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don't even know each other, but we're still doing this stupid nonsense! Just make jokes, people! That is why it's called "Worst Jokes Ever," not "Bully People Ever." So shut up and get a life, dum-dums! Geez! The only reason why I come here is to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don't even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fricking world!!!!

"Addison, shut up. You're only 8 years old. What do you know?"

I might be 8, but at least I got some sense, and plus, I'm way smarter than you guys anyway. I'm in alert. You know, like a very, very, very intelligent kid! That can spell instead of saying "u," I say the true "you," instead of "pls," it's "please." Sorry if I did mean it... which I don't!

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What do you call a person whose heart stopped?

Dead.

Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.

What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Another joke, I know they suck.

What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.

I put the fun in funeral.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

What do emos do?

Hang.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.