What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
I put the fun in funeral.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
What do emos do?
Hang.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
I am an orphan...
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Why do orphans not like Family Guy? Because they have family.
