Life jokes

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.

What's worse than 10 babies is one dumpster...

1 baby in 10 dumpsters.