Life jokes
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??
Flowers get picked.
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
I Was Wrong!!!
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
What's a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size. T - T
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."