Life jokes

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??

Flowers get picked.

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

What's a plus side to being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family size. T - T

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

I have a joke about death.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Think about it :)

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.