Life jokes
What's the similarity between your money and your life?
It just keeps going down.
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
What do you call an orphan's home?
No home.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
A joke: my life, hahahahaha! Wait, it's not funny.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
My chance of finding love.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
I went to the store, and yeah...
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.