Life jokes

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Angus' love life.

How did the orphan survive birth?

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I get jealous when my phone dies.

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.

I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working in an orphanage!

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?

God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.

THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

Who wants to laugh about life with me?

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.