Life jokes

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

Dee.

Red, black, blue. The colors of life.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Why are life and a penis alike?

Women make both of them hard.

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Life is like a bag of jellybeans.

Nobody likes the black ones.

I put the fun in funeral.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

What do emos do?

Hang.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?

The emo doesn't fall.