Life jokes
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
Wanna hear a joke? Me.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Haha, the joke is me.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
Black lives matter.
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
If you put your foot in a pond, your foot will get wet.
No joke, I just wasted about 5 or 6 seconds of your life.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
My love life.
Your life.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*