Life jokes
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Bluey
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
I put the fun in funeral.