Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
I put the fun in funeral.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Red, black, blue. The colors of life.
Dee.
Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
