Life jokes
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why is time important? To not be late.
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
My life is a joke.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
Why are all orphans criminals?
Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.