Life jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

What is the difference between a flower and an orphan?

A flower gets picked.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.

Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

Imagine not having parents. Lol.

Can I die?

What did the orphan say to his father?

Nothing, he doesn't have one.

Like this if you have ever had a family member die.

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”