Life jokes
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
How to not exist: Kys.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Full House."
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
What is hell to you?
Jesus!!!!!
He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.
But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!
And our Eternal Heaven!!
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)