Life jokes
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.