Life jokes
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.