Life jokes
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
I hope Death is a woman.
That way, it will never come for me.
Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.