Life jokes

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

I hope Death is a woman.

That way, it will never come for me.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

What do you call an orphan home alone?

A family reunion.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why can't an orphan play basketball?

Because no one will be cheering them on.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.