Lesbian jokes
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A Gaelic.
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What's a lesbian's favorite candy?
Licorice.
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?