New Legs Jokes - Page 16 - Worst Jokes Ever

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.

Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?

Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?

Because the little boy had no legs.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up Shepherd's leg.

A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.

"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.

"What is it?" The doctor asks.

"I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.

". . . That's because I amputated your arms."

What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.

It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.