Leave jokes

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?

Because she loved raisin' kids!

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

That chromosome gon' leave just like your hairline. 😗😮😮

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!

Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.

Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.