Leave jokes

"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

No offense to anyone though. I don’t understand why everyone is bullying a person named Gwen?

My opinion is well “it’s just a regular person wanting to do jokes. You never know. It could be an adult or a kid.”

So leave her alone. Thank you. 😁

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!

Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.

Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?

That chromosome gon' leave just like your hairline. 😗😮😮

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.