Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
Law Jokes
There was a big problem yesterday.
My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.
We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.
Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?
No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
