Law

Law jokes

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How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!