Law jokes

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.

I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

So they could be wanted.

Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?

They get set free.

Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Why did the duck get arrested?

He tried to quack a safe.

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.