What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
Why did the police play baseball?
Why?
He wanted to play catch.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
