So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
So they could be wanted.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
