These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
I'm illegal.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
