Law jokes

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.

In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.