Law jokes

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.