Laughter jokes
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair and screamed, "Rocket League!"
The boys joking be like:
One guy: "Balls!"
All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
I put the fun in funeral.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.