Language jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.

What do you call the door that is cute and adorable?

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

What do you call a nosy Mexican?

That's nacho business.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Are you bisexual...

Or are you hellosexual?

What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the rap battle?

For WORDPLAY!

Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?

Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.

Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?

A: Domi doesn't know!

You just made a Mist-ake.

Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?

In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.

Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.

And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.

Q: I like elephants.

A: Everything else is irrelephant.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.