Language jokes
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
"How do you make 7 even?"
"Take away the s."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
Wait a damn minute
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What does "A" say to "ss"?
"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
If you thought other puns were bad, wait till you sea mine.
How do you shrivel a dick?
I would tell you the pun about the broken pencil, but it has no point to it.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Your mama.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tank." "Tank who?" "You're welcome!"