Language jokes
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
Spell "I cup." It's funny.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What do plus a pee and a nut... Nut pees, wait, pee nuts.
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? It stands for family.
What nut is broken? A silly nut!
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
What did Caesar’s cat say to him? Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What do bitches say?
"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the rap battle?
To drop some SERIOUS wordplay!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!