Language jokes

Why can't dinosaurs talk?

Because they are all dead.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

How do you shrivel a dick?

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"

Letter A lmao xd 😂😂😂😂

Your mama.

What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."

Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"

First human comes.

Sans: That was pun intended.

"How do you make 7 even?"

"Take away the s."

When you see a deer, what do you say?

"Oh deer!"

What does "A" say to "ss"?

"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"