Language jokes

Mike Oxlong: What's deez, Mike?

Mike Oxsmall: I dunno. What is deez?

Mike Oxlong: DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT 'EM!

What’s the opposite of poo?

Bum.

Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.

Is die?

Ha ha ha, kya bath hai.

What is a donkey called when it has a hole on itself?

An ASSHole.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

So 666-3629, so get it?

You know why seven ate nine? Because 7, 8, 9.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a very bad joke!

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?

American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?

Either Canadian or European.

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?

- F4, F U, then last F U Q.

"Ur Mater."

I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."

Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?

Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."