Language jokes

What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?

Then you get the name Chrisa.

Knock knock.

Jou is there?

Why don't you speak English?

Spell "attic."

Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

Q: What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite letter? A: Q.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?

- F4, F U, then last F U Q.

"Ur Mater."

I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.

Jane ate her friend’s colon.

Shut your goofy ahh mouth!

Can I tell you a cat joke?

Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.

How do you shrivel a dick?

What do bitches say?

"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"

Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?

Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."

Roses are blue, violets are blue.

What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!

Knock knock.

Who is there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!