Language jokes
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Say: Eye Spell: Map Say: Ness
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
What goes after the butt?
The POST-erior.
Me say, "Crack my finger."
My hubby crack my finger.
Now say it backwards.
You have Chinged your last Chong.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo.
Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!
Two urchins, L. H. A. B.
Angel is a good word.
Aren't I beary good?
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.
How do you say "nose" in Spanish?
hmm.... No sé.
Cock.