Language jokes

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"

Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"

Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."

Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."

Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"

Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."

Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

Those are all the same.

(All the jokes above.)

Mississippi is a long word. How do you spell it?

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?

Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.

Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.

Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"

Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"

"Ur Mater."

Did you hear the one about the deaf person?

Me: No.

That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.

Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple, Not F***ing blue!

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?

Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.

Mother: Do you understand?

Leo: No.

I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.

A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

Poop backwards is poop. 💩

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?

- F4, F U, then last F U Q.